Letter to my Dating Antichrist.

So, when I get drunk. I always. ALWAYS. for some ungodly reason want to e-mail my ex. So, I've decided to e-mail him here.

Yo! (ok, i really wouldn't have said that)
It's been so long since we've talked. I do miss you, and our conversations. Watching Saturday football in the fall. Cuddling up Sundays. I miss it all. Really, I do. I often think of that first time we met...At Harry Bissett's for brunch. Then, I think about not getting that job in NC. (remember, me calling you, when I was driving through Charlotte? It had been Ben's birthday the day before our first date...and i was either still drunk, or hungover when we met?) Then I remember getting that job at
Naturally Fresh, and my first week, going out with you and watching Ricky Bobby, and....eek, falling asleep, in the movie theater. Convinced after that night that you didn't like me. That you just wanted to be friends. Going to work and seeing Patti and saying how "he doesn't like me. I don't know...I was sure it was gonna go so well." Patti told me to wait, and...I did. Turns out, she was right. You called me that night. We hung out again, and again. We did real dates. We had sex, and we had sex on the 9th green. You cooked dinner for me a week later, and you had a cold, and we couldn't have sex, but I wanted to. We did it again the week later, and then all of a sudden, you were too busy. We didn't see each other until the day when you told me that you and "your ex" had gotten back together. I remember that day. It was my last day at my first job (which I hated). We met at Hand in Hand, and we had a beer. half way through it, you told me how YX had come back into the picture, and you had to pursue that. My respond was "it's not gonna come as a galloping shock to you that I like you." you replied that you had liked me. Remember that?? Do you remember that?! I do. I remember cursing my small bladder because I had to pee. I remember going to the bathroom and crying so hard I wasn't sure how I could walk back out. But I did. I pulled myself together like my mother had taught me to, and I walked out, and I sat back down. You didn't notice. You ordered another round of drinks (remember me saying how I changed my order based on the gravity of the beer?). You remember. I do, too. I remember you telling me how I certainly must call you when I got drunk that night, with Rob and Patti. I remember calling you, i don't remember much of that night, however, I do remember that Patti didnt' want me to call you. I remember that you called me that Satuday (on your way to Macon, no less) and told me how you forgave me for everything. EVERYTHING I had said the night before. How you wanted to be friends. How that was probably the most important thing to you at the moment. I told you, honestly, that I didn't know what kinda friend I could be, because I didn't want a part of your life (the YX part). You said you understood. Then why, why, why? AFter that, did we not talk. Why did your email to me (ok, e-mail?!) tell me that we couldn't talk. any more. you were worried what people would say. Give me a fucking break. I had not known you that long, but in the time that I had, I never knew you to give one good God Damn what people thought about you. So what. I had moved in with a friend of YX. Yeah, they had dated in college. big woo. RF would have never said anything, and you, YX, and GOD above know it. You made me start off my first year living with someone on edge. On edge that I couldn't trust him. That's one thing I wish I could get back. The fact that I didn't trust one of the men that became one of my best friends. Because YOU told me not to. IN your own way, of course, but you did it, and that's what matters. I met YX, and he turned out to be a great guy. you know, he was a lot better than I expected him to be. I guess it's hard to hate someone who is that nice, but you know, I really still resent a lot about how I was treated. I still really hate that we couldn't remain friends through this.

There are so many times when I wish that I could tell you things. When I want to talk to you after work, when I want to tell you one of my crazy drunken stories, when I want to hear one of yours. When I just want to rant....you were one of the few people i ranted to when I first moved to atlanta. There's a part of me that misses it all....then, there's the part that says.. hey, he fucked you over, and as a direct result, you met some of your best friends. They all know you. They're all there for you, and they all....CARE about you. These are the best friends you'll ever have, and you got them because YO! broke your heart.

I opened up to so many people because of you. And it's hard not to thank you for that. Do I still wish we talked. Could just have a friggin conversation. yes. Do I lose sleep over that. Not at all. not a single wink. There's a part of me, as there is a part of every child of every mother who thinks...what might have been. But then I realize...that I like my life. And regardless of how I was treated before during, after, and everything in between. I'm changed because we dated. The closing lines of Wicked say "I cant' say if I've been changed for the better, but I know I've been changed for good." And that's how i choose to look at it. Changed for good. I think that's OK. I'm OK with that, regardless.

Well, that's it. I just wanted to make sure you knew exactly how I felt. Hope you're well.
R

"Calls to other guest rooms from this phone have been disabled"

Whoa, where to start....

So, it's relatively common knowledge that I'm addicted to AIM. I usually talk to a few people as I'm winding down in the evenings, sometimes there are some great conversations that occur between me and Rob.

A little background........
Rob's in Austin, in a hotel room.

Rob: my hotel room has 3 phones
Rob (9:39:35 PM): including one next to the toilet
Me (9:39:53 PM): wow
Rob (9:40:01 PM): the one next to the toilet has a big sign thatsays "calls to other guest rooms from this phone have been disabled"
Rob (9:40:12 PM): which just makes me wonder what someone did tomake THAT a necessity
Me (9:40:30 PM): oh my
Me (9:40:33 PM): i don't know
Rob (9:41:14 PM): it makes me want to crank call other roomswhile i'm on the can though, i'll tell you that
Rob (9:42:14 PM): it seriously made me want to dial 2115 and tell them i was pooping

so, this may only be funny to me. But I love it. Knowing Rob, I can see him calling 2115.

This conversation kept me up a little bit longer than I wanted to last night, but really....who wouldn't want to stay up to see where this conversation went? There wasn't too much about talking while pooping....but there were some other funny things. I was still in bed before 10:30. woop woop!

A different week.

So, there haven't been many, well any, posts this week. It's been a little crazy.

Monday, I found out that my great aunt died, and I had to go home Tuesday for the viewing. We're all sad, but she was very sick, and as Papa said...She's resting now.

Tuesday I was gone for 9 hours for this...I made the round trip thing. it was a long drive, each way, so I got to listen to a lot of music....I realized that my career is never going to lead me to being a professional singer. This is OK, but I still LOVE belting it out in my car. It's awesome. Riding that long, and listening to that much music..I did a lot of self-reflection. It's amazing how you can hear a tune and be transported back to high school....college pre-coming out....college post coming out. And how I can remember those crushes that I had. And boyfriends. It's great-ish.

Wednesday was Patti's birthday. woo hoo, Happy, Happy Birthday, girl!

Thursday was uncork-a-cure. It was awesome. I love Darryl!

Tonight is Ken's birthday, and tomorrow is Patti's celebration. Basically, I'm not going to be lucid for the next 48 hours. yay! See you Monday.

Hey Brad

hey!!

A weekend of note...

This weekend was AWESOME! I had such a good time, and didn't even go out (no, not once!) I love weekends like that!

Friday night, Patti, Sam, and I went to Athens for a wine tasting. It wasn't as bad of a train-wreck as the last one....When a friend went and was wasted and mortified me. I love him, but I choose to never take him out in public again. Anyway, we went, and drank, and drank, and drank....ate a lot of food, then stopped at McDonalds (for more food), and then came back. It was totally a whirlwind trip, but it was soo much fun...and without the whole downtown thing, there were no scandals. Yay!

Saturday, i got my crawfish virginity taken. I LOVE crawfish now. LOVE THEM! Darryl had a huge crawfish boil at his house, so I went, and I'm a huge fan of crawfish....One of the quotes of FOREVER was right before, when I was IM-ing Rob H, and asked what I should wear, since I'm perpetually afraid of underdressing. his reply to me was something to the effect of "Robert, it's a party where people are gonna suck the ass out of crustaceans, how could you possibly underdress." There were a couple of other good quotes, too. Rob is perpetually full of them...or full of it...we'll decide.

I left Saturday PM, went home, took a nap, and went back. Completely missing Mary's and Mary-oke with Rob F, and his friends (who were fun, but...mary's....)

Sunday I went and stood in line for 1.5 hours to get a book signed by Paula Deen. I took my camrea, wore black (it's slimming) and everything, I looked cute, for my picture with Ms Deen. I asked this morbidly obese man behind me (maybe he should pick a new favorite food network star) man to take my picture...and explained my camera to him, "hold this button for a couple of seconds." He ever so (un)politely told me that he knew how to work a camera. So, when I check out and get out to the car, and am looking at my new myspace picture...I look and it's not tehre. IT"S NOT THERE. This man, this fat man, who apparently has lost the sense of touch in his chubby fingers, not to mention, sight in the viewfinder, turns out COULD. NOT. WORK. A. CAMERA. Bastard. The rest of Sunday was pretty low key, a quick trip to Filenes (got some GREAT shoes), then home, for a 2 hour nap. Then dinner, and bed...after Housewives.

Such a low key weekend. Such a fun one. I loooooovve these!!

We ARE Virginia Tech

In case you've been under a rock for the past couple of days. This is the transcript of Nikki Giovonni's Convocation address at Virginia Tech this horrendous week.

No matter where we went to school, we are all hokies this week. This week makes everything else seem, well, actually become, trivial. I cannot imagine how it must be to have gone to school there, to have lived in that dorm, to have taken classes in that building. What's more befuddling is how one man can have that much rage in him that he's going to kill that many people.

I also recognize the Hokie studeints that have been interviewd numereous times this week, those that say they'll go back. I don't know if I would or could go back to a place where a massacre took place less than a year prior. This heinous act of violence will forever be in my mind.

Back to Ms. Giovanni's speech. This was probably the most powerful mixture of words that I've ever heard. So simple, so eloquent. So powerful.

Thank you

We are The Hokies, We will prevail, we are Virginia Tech.

"LET'S GO HOKIES!!"